There is no beauty in the struggle
And no pleasure in the pain
Just pain and struggle
And suffering
When it hurts, no amount
Of wise words will make it heal
When it kills, no amount
Of daydreaming will make it unreal
And when you fall,
Only then will you find out you’re on your own
Because when you’re standing tall
Your pride blinds you to the reality that you’re alone.

There is no light at the end of tunnels
And no silver lining to any cloud
Just a cloud and a tunnel
And a silent crowd
Because when you’re lost, you will find
That there’s no one to guide you to safety
And when you’re scared, you will find
That there’s no one to lead you back to sanity
Because the crowd that around you stood
Through the good and happy times
Come bad days,
Disappeared fast like the snow in summertime.

There’s no truth to the belief that
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”
Because once you reach that point
All you would want is for it to be over
Because when you’re so close to death
And you feel it in your bones
You stop wondering
When all the pain will be gone
And when you’re standing all alone,
Hand shaking over your heart
Organs bleeding on their own
You’ll wish that what didn’t make you stronger will finally kill you.

© Copyright 7ala Abdullah

I see heaven in the littlest things
Long, warm hugs and paper rings
Comically shaped clouds and rainy skies
A warm cup of Chamomile and beautiful brown eyes.

I see heaven in the littlest things
Stolen glances and the end of worrying
Inside jokes and perfect hair days
That lingering smell you’d wished would stay.

I see heaven in the littlest things
Surprise kisses and the joy they bring
Endless laughs and chips and dip
Unexpected phone calls and well-scarred lips.

I see heaven in the littlest things
Fiona Apple’s music and fruity drinks
Writing for no other reason than to see you smile
Hearing you say yes when I ask you to say for a while.

I see heaven in the littlest things
Manicured hands and hilarious films
A bowl of ice cream and not having to count any sheep
Finishing this poem and getting some sleep.

© Copyright 7ala Abdullah

The things I used to fear are the things I’ve become
I’ve molded myself into what I had despised
I’m a stranger staring into my own eyes
Not recognizing what I see
No longer familiar with this scene
I fight to find similarities

The fire still burns but the fire burning now
Is deadlier than the innocent one I used to harbor
The passion now replaced with rage,
Hatred and lust and endless pages
Of half-hearted stories of whole-hearted heartbreak
And life-shattering mistakes

I fight to find similarities
In the eyes of the all-new me
A tiny hint of what I used to be
I keep on failing and it’s killing me

I dislike this stranger I’ve become
This estranged person on the run.

© Copyright 7ala Abdullah

“What is it that sinks when the heart does?”
Hope?
Happiness?
Sanity?
In my case it was faith.

I loved and lost
But then again, everyone has
Everyone’s heartbroken
Scarred
Sad and angry
Everyone’s got issues
So why is it an issue if it’s the norm?
We’ve all got problems
Yet we all shy away
From telling the truth
Yes, life’s fucked me over
And over and over
Why am I still surprised each
And every single time?

Life is cruel and with every passing day
I realize the extent of its cruelty.
Its harshness and brutality
Its unfairness
Its greed
Its persistence in taking away
Everything that makes me smile
Everything that makes me genuinely happy
I’ve tried
Countless times
To look
On the bright side
But what am I supposed to do
When they turn off the lights there?
What am I supposed to do when everything that was once bright
Turns black and empty?
When every little piece of faith I’ve had
Has tragically vanished
My faith in love
Life
Friends
Family
Has been torn to shreds
Sharp and painful little shreds
That I walk on so full of pride.

In the end the full and unabridged truth is that
No one genuinely cares
For anyone else but themselves
It’s a fact that took me years to learn
But I have yet to perfect in terms of physical enacting
It’s an art that you have to get just right
It’s intricate in its rules
And requirements
Selfishness is a survival technique
A talent,  a skill
That I now strive to obtain
I want to be able
To look at someone
Right in the eye and say
“Fuck you, I come first.”
Even when I
And everyone else
Know it’s not true
I wanna be able to act without caring
About the repercussions
The trouble I’d be causing
The pain I’d be inflicting
Just like everyone else in this Godless Earth
This troubled town where the line between
Right and Wrong
Has been drawn so thick and in blood-red ink
Yet the ones who drew it are the ones who cross it
And the ones who cross it are the ones who judge.

I loved and lost
And I lost everything in the process
Including, but not limited to, myself.

© Copyright 7ala Abdullah

Please don’t tell her that I’m falling apart
And I’m finding it hard going on without my heart
Please don’t tell her that I’m feeling blue
Because if she knew
We’d end up right back at the start
And I’d end up falling really hard.

Please don’t tell her that it’s tearing me up
And that it hurts not knowing when this pain will stop
Please don’t tell her that it’s killing me
Cuz then she’d want to be
The one to hold me tight and wrap me up
And catch my tears before they drop.

Please don’t tell her she’s in my thoughts all the time
And that it’s painful not being able to know if she’s really fine
Please don’t tell her that I ask around
And that I’ve found
That between obsession and a love I’ve found divine
There’s a really sharp and narrow line.

Please don’t tell her I’ve told you that she’s the one
And that I want her back, but I need to get some things done
Please don’t tell her that I’ve found it hard resisting
This thought so persistent
That her soul and mine
Are forever entwined.

© Copyright 7ala Abdullah