On Falling For Your Second Love

i. I am no more than a walking almost and I am almost beyond repair.

ii. The first time I saw you, I told you you were the most fascinating human being I’ve ever encountered.

“Poets,” you’d said, “you poets always know the best lies to say.”

iii. I am sorry I am broken in unforgivable ways,
and I am sorry I’m breaking everything around me too.

iv. I am a mess of destructive desires and infinite apathy. (But then you tell me you’re hurt and the only thing I want is to care for you.)

v. What happens when someone who
always gets what they want
wants to stop wanting?

(I don’t deserve to want you.)

vi. “We are dangerous together,” you said.

vii. I’d pick you over safety any day.

viii. I told you to stop loving silently
in hopes that you’d speak up.
(Please speak up,
I have a lot to say too.)

ix. I want to nestle myself in the folds
of your neocortex and bask in all the
art it has to offer me. I want to swim
through the rivers in your veins and
drench myself in all your intricacies.
There are worlds in your fingertips
that I’ve yet to see – but I digress.

x. You’ve only been gone a day
but still I cannot stop wording
your absence.

xi. I believed only in ghosts before you and I was haunted, but with you I believe in angels – wings worn out and tired but still ever so holy.

You don’t know it, but you are saving me.

xii. When you tell me that I am good,
I go against my every instinct and I
believe you.

xiii. You render whole universes obsolete.

xiv. I must have met you centuries ago.

(You fit so well into me,
I probably fell for you
just as quickly back then.)

xv. You keep me writing and every single word I spell out is drenched in your name.

You are a language I am yearning to perfect.

xvi. I am starting to understand why it never worked out with anyone before you.

xvii. You are helping me make peace with years’ worth of mistakes.

xviii. Every time you say you want me, I shatter into a thousand different pieces so I’d have more of me to offer you.

xix. You say you love me but I will not say I love you back.

xx. I do not love you back.
To love back is to love ingenuinely, and
I
love
you
independently, egolessly,
pridelessly, and vulnerably.

xxi. I am an absolute.

All yours, all yours,
all yours.