“… gestures I should not love, but love.”

Ask me to leap into gasoline and
call me a spark. Call me a flame.
I swear, I am searching for reasons
to drop to the floor and roll myself
dull but you’ve placed in me a chill
so that I am constantly yearning to
get burned to a crisp. This is me now.
I am greedy and hollow. I am restless
and unsatisfied. I am forest of
desires longing to be an eternal inferno.
I need scorching heat to beat this
melancholia. I need blackened gases
to travel thoroughly through my lungs
and choke me to highs no cool can gift.
I am a masochist at her peak. I am a
user in desperate need of a hit. I know
the crash is around the corner. I
know it’s inescapable. I am aware that
my limbs, once fallen, will not rise
like the wings of a phoenix. I am
already without glory or grace; I
am not destined to fill skies with
endless beauty. At my best, everything
I am is romanticized damage. I am the
product of flirting with fire. I
am burnt out – mere grey ash lying
lifeless here before yourself,
but listen to me please; I think I
might love you, even though I know
that this is irrelevant now. I love
you, and I know that doesn’t change
a thing. I love you, and the only
reason this I love you is special is
because it’s the first time I’ve had
the courage to put these three words
down in a poem.

I know; it’s always been the words I
don’t say that can move mountains.

 

*Disclaimer: The title of this poem is a line from Henrietta Goodman’s poem “Descent”.

Blessed

There are times when I stop and think about my approach towards life and I’m saddened by my inexcusable ignorance. I’m reminded of all the times I’ve dwelled on my past mistakes; the valuable time I’ve wasted drowning in regret over things that were clearly unchangeable. Precious, non-refundable moments I’ve thrown away pining for the unattainable and imaginary. It takes a tiny second for me to realize how ungrateful I’ve been for not appreciating the blessings I’ve had by my side all along. In a moment of immense appreciation, I am duly obliged to point out the things I am most thankful for at this time of my life.

I’m blessed to have an amazing family.

My father; whose genuine smile can light up a whole room. Whose kind heart and rare moments of vulnerability have sparked in me a love so endless and infinite for this man who gives his all and only asks for appreciation in return. A man with pride and dignity; the strongest man I’ve ever come to know. My father’s fighting spirit will forever motivate me to be a better person and not be let down by any life-changing catastrophe that comes my way.

My mother; whose challenging personality I’ve only just learnt to love. Granted, my bad experiences with her greatly outnumber my good ones, but it is only in these recent months have I realized the faith she holds in me. I might still be slightly intimidated by her sneaky ways and dishonesty, but I am still glad that she understands me in some ways that most mothers would not. I will forever be thankful for the writing genes I’ve inherited from her and – more importantly – her endless support and faith in my talents and skills.

My sisters; whose mere existence makes my life a million times better. I don’t know where I’d be without these amazing human beings. Having such supportive, understanding, caring, kind-hearted, shoulder-lending sisters is the reason I am the person I am today. I’m thankful for every second I spend with them, and I know that I am more than lucky to have them in my life. If I was asked right now what I was most thankful for in my life; I’d have to go with them. They’re irreplaceable and breathtaking women, and I know for a fact that not everyone can say they’re blessed with such understanding siblings. We might fight and argue on occasion, but in the end there’s no one in the world I’d trade them for. I’m blessed to have sisters I can speak to about anything and everything that’s bothering me without being judged or looked down upon for it. I appreciate your sisterhood with all my heart.

My brothers; whose continuous light-hearted banter never ceases to make me smile on the inside and out. Whose kindness and understanding surprises me every single time, and whose jokes never cease to make my days. I appreciate all you’ve done for me – all the shit you’ve had to go through at my expense. I’m thankful for your discretion and persistence at handling my personal affairs, I’m thankful for days you’ve helped chase my monsters away. I’m thankful for the days I had to play your mother, little one, and I’m even more thankful for the days you called me that. I’m thankful for the joy you bring me by just smiling or making that silly face you always make. I’m blessed to have such amazing men in my life to prove to me that good men do exist.

I’m blessed to have such amazing friends.

You’ve been with me through my many ups and downs and happiness and heartbreaks. You’ve seen me through my good days and bad, through my endless smiles, frowns, laughs and tears. I could never have asked for friends more loving and caring than you, friends who for some reason haven’t yet run the other way. I know I can be a lot to handle sometimes, I get angry at the silliest things and I pull away when something is wrong and never care to speak about it, and the fact that you’re still by my side only proves to me that your friendship is worth more than I can imagine. I’m blessed to have your everlasting support and backing in all the silly decisions I keep making and all the irrational paths I keep taking. Your presence makes all the difference in my life. I’m blessed to call you my friends.

For the sake of not blowing this out of proportion, I will stop here. Maybe I’ll continue this list on another day when I’m feeling thankful again.

P.S. Everything I’ve said here has come straight from my heart. If you are in either of these categories, I love you endlessly.

© Copyright 7ala Abdullah

Thank You.

I’ve always felt this way but I guess it’s time to get it all out and verbalize it.

I love you. Yes, you, the one reading this post right now. Without you, I would have stopped writing a long time ago. You keep me motivated. Your comments and input mean the world to me.

You guys are amazing for sticking with me through my ups and downs, my sad poems and my happy poems, my tear-jerking stories and my thought-provoking ones. You’re amazing for believing in me. You’re amazing for showing your interest. You’re amazing for asking me not to give up every time I feel it’s time to. You’re amazing for taking the time to read my bullshit. You’re amazing for noticing when I haven’t written for a while. You’re amazing for recognizing which of my pieces are fiction and which aren’t. You’re amazing for calling yourselves my fans. You’re amazing for being my fans. You guys make me smile. Each and every one of you.

What I’m trying to say is; thank you for being who you are. If it weren’t for you, there would be no Soaked In Words.

And if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be where I am right now.

I love you all and I appreciate your efforts to help me improve and I appreciate your existence from the bottom of my heart .

Thank you so very much for being your amazing selves.

My Artist Of The Week – “Corinne Bailey Rae”

The artist I choose for this week is: Corinne Bailey Rae.

I discovered Corinne Bailey Rae in late 2007, if I’m not mistaken. I was chatting with a friend on MSN late one night and she told me to give Corinne’s song “Like A Star” a listen because she thought it was “so me”. I was curious to see what she thought was my taste since she and I hasn’t known each other for more than two weeks, so I went on ahead and gave it a listen. Ten seconds into the song and I was shocked to find out that she actually knew me way more than I thought. Two minutes later, I was in love.

My favourite songs of hers are “Like A Star”, “Trouble Sleeping”, “Paper Dolls” and “Closer”. And recently, I’ve been totally obsessed with her newly released album “The Sea” which I think all of you should give a listen – all the way through it!

My favourite lyrics are these;

Just like a star across my sky,
Just like an angel off the page,
You have appeared to my life,
Feel like I’ll never be the same,
Just like a song in my heart,
Just like oil on my hands,
Honoured to love you.

From “Like A Star” from the album “Corinne Bailey Rae”

Could it be I’m suffering
Because I’ll never give in
Won’t say that I’m falling in love
Tell me I don’t see myself
Couldn’t I blame something else
Don’t say I’m falling in love

From “Trouble Sleeping” from the album “Corinne Bailey Rae”

All my life all my life
I said it’s not right
Nobody told me I could do something
Nobody told me I could be something
Yeah
I have tried I have tried
To say it’s alright
Nobody told me I could do something
Nobody told me I could be something

From  “Paper Dolls” from the album “The Sea”

If you like her, visit her Official Website.

Or follow her on Twitter.

My Artist Of The Week – “Tristan Prettyman”

The artist I choose for this week is: Tristan Prettyman.

I discovered Tristan Prettyman roughly about a year ago. I was listening to my Last.fm recommendations (again, when they were free!) and I happened to stumble upon her song “Don’t Work Yourself Up”. I remember thinking her voice was so beautiful and even though I couldn’t catch most of the lyrics, the ones I did took my breath away. I tried to get a hold of some of her other songs, and the next one I heard was “Hello”, and I was so amused by the honest lyrics, the catchy tunes and her mesmerizing voice. It didn’t take too long for me to get completely obsessed with her.

There are two things I love most about her music. 1; her unique voice – which is unlike any other voice I’m attracted to. Usually; softer and sweeter voices catch my attention, but Tristan’s voice is so deep and beautiful that I couldn’t even think of not falling in love with it. 2; her from-the-heart lyrics. Tristan Prettyman doesn’t sing about anything and everything. What she sings about is honest, true, and deep feelings. Unlike many artists, this doesn’t mean all her songs are depressing! You can listen to her music, and it can make you happy, sad, and hyper all at the same time!

My top favourite songs of hers are “Don’t Work Yourself Up” and “Hello”, both from her album “Hello..x”. And the lyrics I love the most are these;

I know there’s no use for
Trying harder I got to
Gage and barter to get out

‘Cause baby you start and then you stop
And my heart beats big before it drops
And I don’t know what’s to do

From “Hello”

I might run off at any given time
Don’t leave no notes there ain’t no reason to lie
Guess I haven’t found what I’m looking for
Can’t keep my hands to myself
Or my eyes off the door

From “Don’t Work Yourself Up”

So you write the title
And I’ll write the chapters
We can read a story of a love gone disaster
You write the moral
And I’ll write the lesson
And we can read a love that kept us guessing

From “The Story”

Unfortunately, the only HQ videos I found of hers were fan videos, so please ignore the video and just listen to the music! (Unless you’re a Harry Potter/Twilight fan!!! xD)

If you liked her, visit her Official Website.

Or follow her on Twitter.