Blessed

There are times when I stop and think about my approach towards life and I’m saddened by my inexcusable ignorance. I’m reminded of all the times I’ve dwelled on my past mistakes; the valuable time I’ve wasted drowning in regret over things that were clearly unchangeable. Precious, non-refundable moments I’ve thrown away pining for the unattainable and imaginary. It takes a tiny second for me to realize how ungrateful I’ve been for not appreciating the blessings I’ve had by my side all along. In a moment of immense appreciation, I am duly obliged to point out the things I am most thankful for at this time of my life.

I’m blessed to have an amazing family.

My father; whose genuine smile can light up a whole room. Whose kind heart and rare moments of vulnerability have sparked in me a love so endless and infinite for this man who gives his all and only asks for appreciation in return. A man with pride and dignity; the strongest man I’ve ever come to know. My father’s fighting spirit will forever motivate me to be a better person and not be let down by any life-changing catastrophe that comes my way.

My mother; whose challenging personality I’ve only just learnt to love. Granted, my bad experiences with her greatly outnumber my good ones, but it is only in these recent months have I realized the faith she holds in me. I might still be slightly intimidated by her sneaky ways and dishonesty, but I am still glad that she understands me in some ways that most mothers would not. I will forever be thankful for the writing genes I’ve inherited from her and – more importantly – her endless support and faith in my talents and skills.

My sisters; whose mere existence makes my life a million times better. I don’t know where I’d be without these amazing human beings. Having such supportive, understanding, caring, kind-hearted, shoulder-lending sisters is the reason I am the person I am today. I’m thankful for every second I spend with them, and I know that I am more than lucky to have them in my life. If I was asked right now what I was most thankful for in my life; I’d have to go with them. They’re irreplaceable and breathtaking women, and I know for a fact that not everyone can say they’re blessed with such understanding siblings. We might fight and argue on occasion, but in the end there’s no one in the world I’d trade them for. I’m blessed to have sisters I can speak to about anything and everything that’s bothering me without being judged or looked down upon for it. I appreciate your sisterhood with all my heart.

My brothers; whose continuous light-hearted banter never ceases to make me smile on the inside and out. Whose kindness and understanding surprises me every single time, and whose jokes never cease to make my days. I appreciate all you’ve done for me – all the shit you’ve had to go through at my expense. I’m thankful for your discretion and persistence at handling my personal affairs, I’m thankful for days you’ve helped chase my monsters away. I’m thankful for the days I had to play your mother, little one, and I’m even more thankful for the days you called me that. I’m thankful for the joy you bring me by just smiling or making that silly face you always make. I’m blessed to have such amazing men in my life to prove to me that good men do exist.

I’m blessed to have such amazing friends.

You’ve been with me through my many ups and downs and happiness and heartbreaks. You’ve seen me through my good days and bad, through my endless smiles, frowns, laughs and tears. I could never have asked for friends more loving and caring than you, friends who for some reason haven’t yet run the other way. I know I can be a lot to handle sometimes, I get angry at the silliest things and I pull away when something is wrong and never care to speak about it, and the fact that you’re still by my side only proves to me that your friendship is worth more than I can imagine. I’m blessed to have your everlasting support and backing in all the silly decisions I keep making and all the irrational paths I keep taking. Your presence makes all the difference in my life. I’m blessed to call you my friends.

For the sake of not blowing this out of proportion, I will stop here. Maybe I’ll continue this list on another day when I’m feeling thankful again.

P.S. Everything I’ve said here has come straight from my heart. If you are in either of these categories, I love you endlessly.

© Copyright 7ala Abdullah

Emotions

I don’t feel it anymore.
There’s no sense of belonging like there was before.

I no longer have the energy to mourn;
What is dead and has long been gone.

I don’t mind it like I used to;
The loneliness and the lack of virtue.

I no longer have it in me to feel,
That blessed curse has lost its appeal.

I don’t experience common emotions;
Regret, righteousness, and devotion.

I no longer miss their presence,
Their absence has proved to be a blessing.

© Copyright 7ala Abdullah

Truth

There is no beauty in the struggle
And no pleasure in the pain
Just pain and struggle
And suffering
When it hurts, no amount
Of wise words will make it heal
When it kills, no amount
Of daydreaming will make it unreal
And when you fall,
Only then will you find out you’re on your own
Because when you’re standing tall
Your pride blinds you to the reality that you’re alone.

There is no light at the end of tunnels
And no silver lining to any cloud
Just a cloud and a tunnel
And a silent crowd
Because when you’re lost, you will find
That there’s no one to guide you to safety
And when you’re scared, you will find
That there’s no one to lead you back to sanity
Because the crowd that around you stood
Through the good and happy times
Come bad days,
Disappeared fast like the snow in summertime.

There’s no truth to the belief that
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”
Because once you reach that point
All you would want is for it to be over
Because when you’re so close to death
And you feel it in your bones
You stop wondering
When all the pain will be gone
And when you’re standing all alone,
Hand shaking over your heart
Organs bleeding on their own
You’ll wish that what didn’t make you stronger will finally kill you.

© Copyright 7ala Abdullah

Thank You.

I’ve always felt this way but I guess it’s time to get it all out and verbalize it.

I love you. Yes, you, the one reading this post right now. Without you, I would have stopped writing a long time ago. You keep me motivated. Your comments and input mean the world to me.

You guys are amazing for sticking with me through my ups and downs, my sad poems and my happy poems, my tear-jerking stories and my thought-provoking ones. You’re amazing for believing in me. You’re amazing for showing your interest. You’re amazing for asking me not to give up every time I feel it’s time to. You’re amazing for taking the time to read my bullshit. You’re amazing for noticing when I haven’t written for a while. You’re amazing for recognizing which of my pieces are fiction and which aren’t. You’re amazing for calling yourselves my fans. You’re amazing for being my fans. You guys make me smile. Each and every one of you.

What I’m trying to say is; thank you for being who you are. If it weren’t for you, there would be no Soaked In Words.

And if it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be where I am right now.

I love you all and I appreciate your efforts to help me improve and I appreciate your existence from the bottom of my heart .

Thank you so very much for being your amazing selves.

Littlest Things

I see heaven in the littlest things
Long, warm hugs and paper rings
Comically shaped clouds and rainy skies
A warm cup of Chamomile and beautiful brown eyes.

I see heaven in the littlest things
Stolen glances and the end of worrying
Inside jokes and perfect hair days
That lingering smell you’d wished would stay.

I see heaven in the littlest things
Surprise kisses and the joy they bring
Endless laughs and chips and dip
Unexpected phone calls and well-scarred lips.

I see heaven in the littlest things
Fiona Apple’s music and fruity drinks
Writing for no other reason than to see you smile
Hearing you say yes when I ask you to say for a while.

I see heaven in the littlest things
Manicured hands and hilarious films
A bowl of ice cream and not having to count any sheep
Finishing this poem and getting some sleep.

© Copyright 7ala Abdullah