sorry not sorry

to invitations i cannot
accept from now on,
i will start replying:
sorry, i can’t today,
something inside me is on
fire.
but when isn’t that true?
on good days there is
always inside me a
little spark,
it stings and excites,
(you can spot it in my
eyes)
on others,
inside me a forest fire
rages, angry and
destructive, resistant
to water,
even to kindness.
yes, the fire exists
even when you can’t
see it,
even when you can’t smell
the smoke.
reader, sometimes your eyes
will lie to you.
other times i will.
it is your job to figure it
out.
i would help you, but,
i’ve learned to say:
sorry, i can’t today.
something inside me
is on fire.