It’s times like these when I need you the most.
It’s moments like this when I’m suffocating in the pitch-black darkness and I need your comforting arms to hold me, your soothing voice to calm my nerves… when I feel like every single cell in my body is breaking and the ever-viscous sadness is creeping out of my every tiny little pore.
My tears are pain-drenched, rushing angrily onto the pillow like the blood of a martyr. They seep into the fabric quickly to make room for the ones bound to follow. They don’t move fast enough, and soon I find myself drowning. I’m finding it hard to breathe; it’s not an easy task with this heaviness sitting in my chest. It feels like my lungs are about to collapse and I’m face-down in this pillow that reeks of sorrow.
I need you to hold my hand. Why don’t you hold my hand one last time before you leave? I need you to look me in the eyes and assure me with your smile that my world isn’t about to crumble beneath my shaky feet. Please. Please don’t lie to me and tell me that the damage is reparable. Don’t tell me that I can go on without you because I can’t.
You once said that sometimes the ending leaves you with a lot of missing pieces, but you find out later that you can live without them. Well, this isn’t one of those endings because the moment you left me, you took everything with you. You are the oxygen my organs are failing without. You are the one for whom these beats in my chest were fashioned, you are the boiling tears flowing out of these deprived eyes.
So you climb into bed with me because you find it in your heart to take mercy on me. I don’t mind being pitied, pride is something I have with people other than you. I’m watching your silhouette slip under the covers on your side of this king-size and I roll myself towards you.
“I hate you for leaving.” I whisper into your ear.
“You could never hate me.” You reply. And you’re right.
I cry quietly onto your chest. Your fingers are tracing lines across my back and it puts me to sleep like a lullaby does to a child. You’re the only one who knows how to kill my insomnia, it fears you like a deer fears a lion. It runs the other way when faced by you, and my eyelids meet one another like long-estranged lovers. You whisper I-love-yous into my ears all night long. Your voice echoes into my dreams that are already full of you.
And I’m dreaming again of how you left. I dream of the hospital, of the blood, I dream of your body lying under all that white. I dream of the doctors, of your mother, of that moment my heart stopped beating because it was just so in sync with yours. I dream of it and pretend it’s just a dream. I dream and try to forget that it’s my reality. I dream of the way you left me, I dream of yesterday.
And I wake up because you’ve gone again, and I’m still here. And even though you’ve left, I’m still haunted by your presence. And even though you’re six feet under, I’m the one who’s really dead.
© Copyright 7ala Abdullah
Solecisms 
Hi. Your words touched me in a way you cannot understand. I don’t know if its comparable but my boyfriend of many years just left me. I couldn’t stop crying when reading this :(
Hi Sara!
I love the fact that my piece has touched you in that way, but I still find it sad that that’s the reason. I’m sorry you’re hurting. I’m sorry he left. I’m sorry I made you cry.
I don’t know who you are but you’ll be okay. I know it. <3
Stay strong. <3
First of all
i can’t even begin to explain how much i love your writings
you’re simply one of the best young writers I’ve ever seen and that’s saying a lot coming from me
your words touch me , they move me and that what a writer is all about
i hope you go a long way with this
and i hope to see your name on one my books one day
Much love.
You’ve made my day.
Thank you so much! <3
I keep reading this over and over again and i love it more every time I do!
This is simply amazing, you’re really good mashallah.
Keep writting x
Thank you so much!! xx
Alright, here’s the thing. Personally I appreciate constructive criticism, more than the “OH MAH GOSH! I LOVVEEE THISSS!” comments lol. So, I’m going to point out the things that I think you can improve on, because ultimately, I think that’s the point of getting feedback.
The first thing I noticed when I started reading this piece, is that you have some run-on sentences. Second thing, is that you could probably use a few more commas in there. With that being said, I love how expressive this is. The expressiveness, yet again, is lovely. I think what I love most about your writing is how original it is. For example: They [tears] seep into the fabric quickly to make room for the ones bound to follow.
That is only one of the many I loved. Good job!
You have no idea how much I appreciate your criticism. You’re right, it IS the point of getting feedback, and even though it makes me smile when people express how much they like my piece, I’d always much rather hear something constructive instead.
Thanks for your opinions. xx