Selfish

Tearing off the last piece
Of what was left of the old me
The last trace of humanity
The last shred in my body
That allowed anyone to control me

Because it’s true
All this time I’ve been used
Alone; I’ve always been on my own
Smothered in un-kept promises
Covered in lies and tragedies
Surrounded by parasites
Aliens; figures that are distant
Not sure of their existence
These shadows I used to call friends
But no one’s really worth it
No, not even me

I wouldn’t call this rebelling
Because to rebel means
To try and be something different
Something that isn’t really worth it
Something out of the ordinary
Something you’re not supposed to be
But all I’m doing is simply
What everyone else has done ages before me

I’m killing my heart
I should’ve done that from the start
Given it away,
It doesn’t really matter anyway
Who says I need a heartbeat to survive?
When all this time I’ve had one, I’ve never felt alive
I’m killing it tonight
Tearing it apart with the sharpest knife
Maybe then I’ll see the light
I’ll make it worth it, let the new me arrive
And if I don’t make it, I wouldn’t really care
Cuz caring’s what’s gotten me where I am

Let me just try the other method
What everyone else seems to have followed
A path that’s dark and hollow
Yes, I know I’m being selfish
I don’t really wanna help it
I’m finally going with the flow
Swimming with the rest of the fish
It’s easier just giving in
I’m gonna stop trying to be so different
I’m losing myself purposely
Letting go of the sweet old me
Next time you see me, I’ll be rude and cold
I’m bowing my head down to this ugly world

© Copyright 7ala Abdullah

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5 thoughts on “Selfish

  1. Deep. Really deep. Sad, but…very..overwhelming.
    “I wouldn’t call this rebelling
    Because to rebel means
    To try and be something different
    Something that isn’t really worth it
    Something out of the ordinary
    Something you’re not supposed to be
    But all I’m doing is simply
    What everyone else has done ages before me”

    Really loved that stanza. For real. *applause* 7alla of Riyadh. =]

  2. Next time you see me, I’ll be rude and cold
    I’m bowing my head down to this ugly world

    <– This is exactly what you need to survive in this world!
    اذا لم تكن ذئباً ..اكلتك الذئاب

    ;) good luck to the new you (F)

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