Being Human by 7ala Abdullah

Her raven hair bewitches him again.
He’s fallen victim to her magic time and time before.
Her eyes like wands sultrily casting spells upon his limbs;
“I love you”, she says.

He thinks it, too.
He wants to say it because it’s true.
But a thick layer of pride covers his lips
He slightly pushes her away when she leans in for a kiss
It’s hard for him to do, but he does it still.
It’s something he does against his will.
Stay calm, he silently scolds himself.
He’ll have to get to the bottom of this.

But she touches his hand and her skin feels wrong
He’s seen this coming for way too long.
He sees it in her eyes,
He’s right, he knows he’s right.
She’s done it again, that fucking bitch.
He knows he’s never wrong about these things.

“You were with him, weren’t you?” he asks condescendingly.
He smells him all over her smooth shoulders,
Her soft hands,
Her perfect fingers.
He smells him on her breath.

She stares daringly at him.
“I love you.”
She repeats.
But he shoves her away,
How dare she say that to him again?

“Why won’t you tell me that you love me?”
She plays the wounded victim so perfectly.
Her voice cracks and he sees a layer of tears coating her eyes.
They fall down her cheeks like little balls of lies.

But he’s not falling for it.
He’s not falling for her acting;
Her rehearsed lines and fake crying.
He’s not falling for her lustful hands.
This woman should be on a stage,
Not here in his arms, he thinks
He is not a fucking audience.

She’s waiting for a response and her body’s shaking
He’s too used to her obvious faking.
“There’s no one else in my life.” She whispers.
He wishes badly that he could believe her.

He loves her with all his heart.
He’s loved her from the very start.
He loves her chapped lips,
Her bony hips,
Her bitten nails,
Her dark eyes,
Her freckles,
Her dimples,
Her graceless shoulders,
Her scarred back,
Her naturally rosy cheeks.
He loves her, so why does she lie to him?

“I’m not greedy for wanting you all to myself.”
She’s giving him that blank look again.
She takes a few steps back from where he stands.
His anger’s building up from within
He hates the state he’s in
But he’s angry and his trust’s been broken
And she’s still giving him that same damned look.

“He’s a son of a bitch for taking what’s mine.”
How could he let it go this time?
She’s quiet, but she’s seen his wrath before.
She tries to talk but he doesn’t want to hear it anymore
She has to pay for this, he thinks,
She’s broken his heart.
How could he be too blind to realize she was this smart?
He’s been giving her his undivided love
Has what he’s given her never been enough?

He grabs the object on his right
A red vase she bought the other night
There’s ten red roses in it from Valentine’s day
He’d surprised her with a whole bouquet
And now they’re flying all around
And one by one, they hit the ground.

She loves him to death.
She knows that because she’s seen it once or twice before.
She’s gone back and forth between life and death so she’s seen it all.
He’s all she knows and he’s all she loves,
He’s all she owns and all she trusts.

She can’t live without him, she’s sure.
But can he live without her?
Sometimes it seems that way.
Because he keeps breaking her heart,
And still she stays.
He’s her home, her light, her one true love
He’s her heaven-sent treasure from up above
He’s hers and she’s his, it’s always been that way
So no matter how much he breaks her, she’ll always stay.

Yes, they’ve had bad times, but most of it was good
He is an amazing man, but he was just misunderstood
So she’s never leaving, this is where she feels at home
And she doesn’t mind the scars and broken bones
He loves her, he’s said so, so she’s sure.
He’s an angry man, but he’s the only thing that’s hers.
Besides, people have always said she was strong
She’d hate to have to prove them wrong.

She loves him to death, yes, she was willing to die;
If that’s what it took to prove to him it wasn’t a lie.
And she’ll take a beating or two if it meant he could trust her again
So when the glass hits her head, she understands.
And now shards are falling to the floor
And she’s still standing before the man she adores.

He’s not a monster, she knows his love for her.
So she’ll try to quieten her sobs until it was over
Their skins are colliding, hers breaks with his touch
She never knew her skin could fathom this much
Whatever part of her he holds crumbles from the outside in;
And now she’s face down on the floor, glass penetrating her skin.
She closes her eyes and takes it all
If he’ll feel better after this, then it was worth the fall
She just wishes he would believe her when she says
She’s never slept in anyone else’s bed
She’s never looked at another man before
She knew they had something she couldn’t ignore.

He loves her to death and his heart it aching
And as he kicks her, he can feel her bones are breaking
He hurts, but he knows he’s right about this feeling
And now she’s right before him, kneeling;
She’s not begging or screaming, so she must know she deserves it.
She’s not putting up a fight so he knows he’s right.

She’s gone and broken his heart again
And he’s gone and broken her bones again
He loves her to death
But is it his death or hers?

He stands over her like a tower
He’s always had all the power
But tears are falling from his eyes
His tears are taking him by surprise
He’s shocked by the sudden rush of emotion
His tears are flooding out like an ocean
He falls to his knees and holds her hand
Why she keeps hurting him, he’ll never understand
And even though she tears him apart, he’ll never let go
And he realizes that’s something she already knows
And even though she’s a liar, she’s still the one
And without her, he knows his life is done.

“I’m sorry.” Is whispered and barely heard.

“I’m only human. There’s only so much I can take.”

 

© Copyright 7ala Abdullah

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New Beginnings by 7ala Abdullah

We awaken each morning to a clean slate.

Every step we take either blots it or purifies it further. But it doesn’t matter; it never matters. When we close our eyes at the end of the day, it all fades away. We wake up again to a blinding whiteness. New day, new choices. New life. But some things aren’t so easy to erase. Some things stick with us day in and day out. Some things can’t be fixed by the simple act of closing our eyes. Some things are permenant – or at least more long-lasting than others. Some things leave a huge disgusting stain on our lives that we are powerless to clean.

I try to shrug you off but you’ve never left my shoulders. I’ve never been alone, but there’s a certain death that comes along with being left behind. I’m left in this godless place and you’re no where to be found.

You used to be so caged and I used to be so free and now I feel like irony’s having a laugh at our expense. You’re finding out how it feels like to have wings and I’m finding out how it feels to have my wings cut off. You’ve set out on this new adventure; all excitement and spontaneity, and I seem to have made a home of this painful rut I’ve found myself stuck in.

Would you save some room for me in case I get to fly again? Because like the tide to the moon, I’ll always be drawn to you. You’ve shined down on me in the darkest hours and now I’m left in the black come sunset.

Would you have stayed, had I asked?

Should I have asked?

It feels like this is where it all stops. When I open my eyes every morning, your beautiful face sits stubbornly on my canvas. I long for the days when it used to be all white, all clean.

All-new.

But I still long for you. And maybe this isn’t an end.

 

© Copyright 7ala Abdullah