Trouble Sleeping

“Lately, I’ve been forgetting to breathe.” She said quietly.

“Is that even possible?”

She forced a smile. “Everything is possible.”

She fell back on the bed and closed her eyes. It was better this way, she’d keep them closed for a while so he wouldn’t see them tearing up. He’d seen her through her ups and downs before, but this time she reckoned it’d be too much for him to handle. “Everything is possible.” She whispered another time – this time to herself; some sort of pep-talk she thought she needed to hear.

She felt him come closer. “Are you okay?” He asked, concerned.

“I’m fine.” It came out harsher than she intended.

“Then open your eyes and let me see how fine you are.”

It was unfair how well he knew her. “My eyes are resting.”

“Bullshit.” She could tell he was growing impatient.

She opened her eyes and a myriad of tears spilled quietly on both sides of her face as she smiled at him. “Remind me, won’t you?”

He squeezed her hand tightly in his. “Of what?”

“To breathe. I keep forgetting.”

He moved closer and wiped the tears off her face. “Okay. I will.”

“Lay down next to me.” She ordered and he obeyed, his hands went right back to where they were before; in hers.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” He asked.

“I hate feeling this way. It’s too soon to feel this way again.” Her voice was breaking. He took her into his arms. “It’s too soon.” She cried. “It’s too soon and I didn’t think it was possible. But everything is possible. Everything.” She wept softly.

“Breathe.” He thought it would be a good time to say that now as she sounded out of breath. “What are you talking about, honey? What way?”

She sat up. “My heart knows.” She whispered. “But my mind’s in denial. But I know I am. And it’s too soon, but everything is possible.”

“Are you saying -”

She cut him off. “Couldn’t I blame something else?

Don’t say I’m falling in love.”

© Copyright 7ala Abdullah

* Note: The last two lines in italics are lyrics from Corinne Bailey Rae’s song “Trouble Sleeping”. Give it a listen xx

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Stranger

The things I used to fear are the things I’ve become
I’ve molded myself into what I had despised
I’m a stranger staring into my own eyes
Not recognizing what I see
No longer familiar with this scene
I fight to find similarities

The fire still burns but the fire burning now
Is deadlier than the innocent one I used to harbor
The passion now replaced with rage,
Hatred and lust and endless pages
Of half-hearted stories of whole-hearted heartbreak
And life-shattering mistakes

I fight to find similarities
In the eyes of the all-new me
A tiny hint of what I used to be
I keep on failing and it’s killing me

I dislike this stranger I’ve become
This estranged person on the run.

© Copyright 7ala Abdullah