How do you cope when you realize you’ve hurt the love of your life?
What do you do when you find out that you have damaged them beyond repair? That you have taken away their happiness and livelihood, their hopes and dreams?
How do you survive when you realize you’ve left them no means for emotional survival?
I can’t undo what I’ve done and it’s killing me. I watch her now; so different, so unhuman. So unbelievably changed. She is not the person she used to be. She is not the beautiful woman I fell in love with.
And I am to blame for this cold and lifeless person she’s become; I cut off her beautiful angel wings and left her flightless. I’d pushed her off the edge and watched her fall. I broke her.
And now I watch her, helpless. Now I see what I’ve done and it’s too late to make it right. Too late to fix my irreversible mistake. Too late to put her pieces back together. This woman I used to call my wife; here she lies fucked up beyond measure. This woman I promised “for better or for worse” is lying here in a state worse than she could have ever imagined.
This woman I gave my life is still coping with the fact that I snatched it back from her calm and steady hands. Those same slender fingers that gave a warm home to the ring that bind me to her for eternity – it still sits there, proudly, the ring I gave her right after she said “I do”. It still sits there even after she realized that I don’t. Even after I hurt her. Even as she was fucking this faceless stranger whose bed she’s now sprawled on, the ring remained intact; she never took it off.
I’ve hurt the love of my life twice and each time I killed her more than the last. Each time I tore more of her heart out, each time I burned more of her senses.
If only I can take back what I’ve done and give her back what I’ve taken. If only I can rewind and unlie all those lies and unbreak her heart. If only I can give her back the man I was when we first met. The man she fell in love with.
The man I used to be.
If only there was a way that I could show her.
I’m not proud of what I’ve done.
© Copyright 7ala Abdullah
Note: This is the Prologue to a series of short stories I will begin writing… so stay tuned for the first chapter of “I Don’t” which I will be writing very soon! Comments and suggestions are very much appreciated; your opinions mean a lot to me.
You guys rock.