I Don’t: Chapter One

There was too much chemistry between us. Even as we were standing amongst hundreds of people, I still felt the shameless urge to pull her to me and wrap my tongue around hers. At times I was able to control myself, but at others it really proved to be the hardest thing in the world.

She stared at me, eyes full of anxiety and optimism. They were perfectly made-up, she had a thin line of eyeliner stretching out on her top eyelid and just a touch of it on her bottom one. Her brown hair fell just beneath her shoulders – it was neither straightened nor curled, her simplicity would not allow her to put too much effort into it for fear of seeming snobbish. It fell on her shoulders in waves. Beautiful waves that never needed too much work to look perfect.

I looked at her hand, still entranced by her perfection. I heard nothing, only saw the way her eyes spoke to me. They asked me a question and without hesitation I answered; “I do”. She smiled and a few seconds later I read her lips mouthing the same words I had just spoken.

I held her hand tight in mine, thumb slowly caressing her palm. I could feel her hands shake and yet when I looked at her face she maintained a look so composed and fearless. My eyes fell on hers again and she smiled at me. She gave my hand a little squeeze and I saw what might have been a small trace of a tear forming in her eyes.

I looked to my left where rows and rows of people sat staring quietly. I noticed that they all had that same optimism in their eyes as Allison did. They were all staring with hope and love, happiness and excitement. I looked back at my Allison, still unable to hear any words that might be spoken around me.

…Mister and Missus Darque!

Allison’s eyes were flooded with tears now, she held her hand up to her face and kissed the ring I’d just placed on her slim finger. She seemed to move in slow motion to me, her smile bright and larger-than-life, her happiness was visible and seemed to be seeping into me. It was then I heard the words I longed for the most.

…You may now kiss the bride.

I grabbed her from her waist and pulled her to me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I pressed my lips against hers. As I kissed her, I felt the world around me come to life. I was awoken from the trance I was in.

I heard the two hundred guests roar in applause.

I heard my mother shout; “That’s enough kissing now, Leo!”.

I heard Allison’s little sister scream; “Woohoo,  go, sis!”.

And I heard her whispering; “I love you.” into my mouth. Nothing could have tasted sweeter than those words.

© Copyright 7ala Abdullah

I Don’t: Prologue

How do you cope when you realize you’ve hurt the love of your life?

What do you do when you find out that you have damaged them beyond repair? That you have taken away their happiness and livelihood, their hopes and dreams?

How do you survive when you realize you’ve left them no means for emotional survival?

I can’t undo what I’ve done and it’s killing me. I watch her now; so different, so unhuman. So unbelievably changed. She is not the person she used to be. She is not the beautiful woman I fell in love with.

And I am to blame for this cold and lifeless person she’s become; I cut off her beautiful angel wings and left her flightless. I’d pushed her off the edge and watched her fall. I broke her.

And now I watch her, helpless. Now I see what I’ve done and it’s too late to make it right. Too late to fix my irreversible mistake. Too late to put her pieces back together. This woman I used to call my wife; here she lies fucked up beyond measure. This woman I promised “for better or for worse” is lying here in a state worse than she could have ever imagined.

This woman I gave my life is still coping with the fact that I snatched it back from her calm and steady hands. Those same slender fingers that gave a warm home to the ring that bind me to her for eternity – it still sits there, proudly, the ring I gave her right after she said “I do”. It still sits there even after she realized that I don’t. Even after I hurt her. Even as she was fucking this faceless stranger whose bed she’s now sprawled on, the ring remained intact; she never took it off.

I’ve hurt the love of my life twice and each time I killed her more than the last. Each time I tore more of her heart out, each time I burned more of her senses.

If only I can take back what I’ve done and give her back what I’ve taken. If only I can rewind and unlie all those lies and unbreak her heart. If only I can give her back the man I was when we first met. The man she fell in love with.

The man I used to be.

If only there was a way that I could show her.

I’m not proud of what I’ve done.

© Copyright 7ala Abdullah

Note: This is the Prologue to a series of short stories I will begin writing… so stay tuned for the first chapter of “I Don’t” which I will be writing very soon! Comments and suggestions are very much appreciated; your opinions mean a lot to me.

You guys rock.

Peace out.