The truth is… I never really liked the rush.

All that adrenaline pumping through my veins… yeah, it never gave me satisfaction. Never made me feel good. Some people jump off of mountains, some people kill, some people swim with sharks just to feel it. But to me it always felt like poison. I always felt like I couldn’t wait till I could get it to stop.

And it always made me stand out. To some people, in a good way, to others in a bad. I was perceived by some as “boring” and by some as “wise”. By some as “a prude” and by others as “smart”. I usually didn’t care what other people thought, except at times when I was vulnerable. Nevertheless, I did nothing about it. Stayed on the safe side and told myself it was comfortable. And it was.

Until you showed up.

You freed me from the chains of sanity. You saved me from the burden of emotional sobriety. You woke me up from an unfelt death, and I loved how it felt. You opened me up to new possibilities, new emotions, new worlds I never knew existed. And I felt like a whole new person.

And then, for once in my life, I craved the adrenaline. I craved the restlessness, the mistakes, the punishments they led to. I craved your touch, your smell, your lips. I craved you in all your glory. And it didn’t take long before I got addicted; before I completely lost myself in your beauty and your grace. It wasn’t long before even I couldn’t recognize myself. And it wasn’t long before I was just… lost.

You see… I’ve had addictions before. Plenty, too, if you may. The difference between all my other addictions and you is, well… they were all discreet. They went by unnoticed by my peers. Unnoticed by even me, sometimes. But my addiction to you has completely taken over my life. I simply cannot function, I simply cannot survive.

I don’t need adrenaline, if that’s what you’re thinking. You’re my rush. I need you.

© Copyright 7ala Abdullah